04. Growing as We Grieve

Growing as We Grieve

Families can create enduring connections with the person who died while growing around their grief and finding hope for the future.

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Finding Rhythms of Hope

Grief remains, but in time, the positive choices you make each day will make way for laughter, joy, and hope.

Choose hope.

“It may feel like joy is far and few between, but...as we continue to celebrate joy and those victories throughout the day, we're going to find that it grows and it gets bigger.“ Brie Overton

Chief Clinical Officer with Experience Camps

Riding the Waves

The emotions of grief are like waves, coming and going. Sometimes the current feels strong, pulling, and powerful. Other times, it laps gently on the shore of your life.

Grief can come up any time: when seasons change, on meaningful dates like anniversaries or birthdays, and as you and your children grow older.

Life’s “triggering” moments might prompt you to ask more or different questions or compel you to seek extra support. It’s impossible to know exactly what to expect from grief, and you won’t have all the answers. That’s okay. Riding the waves together is what matters most.

When big feelings come up in the months or years after your person died, you might:

Remember that feelings come and go.
Acknowledge that your feelings are there for a reason. Together, you might name your feelings to help understand them better. And you can remember that you won’t always feel this way.

Recruit more helpers.
Your person is irreplaceable. And there are things they did—or would have done—that you need to find new ways to do. Chances are, you have others in your circle of relatives, friends, or neighbors who can step in to fill in the gaps for you and your children: Maybe a grandparent attends “donuts with dads,” or an uncle teaches your son how to ride a bike or style his hair. You don’t have to “do” life alone. There are people to help. Ask for help, and when others offer, if you feel comfortable, accept it.

Embrace your joy.
Over time, feelings of joy and happiness may happen more often, and closer together. Your joy is okay. Grief is a “both/and.” You can feel both sad and happy at the same time. It may help to imagine the person who died delighting in your joy.

Strike a pose.
Our bodies often “remember” hardship, and feelings of stress can manifest as physical tension or pain. Fortunately, our bodies can also “remember” positivity. Striking a powerful pose (try standing with your legs in a wide stance and arms up like a starfish or putting your hands on your hips with a proud, open chest like a superhero) while taking deep breaths, may help you to feel more stable.

Having a hopeful mindset can also be a powerful tool to help you and your children through moments of grief.When we have hope, we:

know what we want;
believe in our ability to get there; and
stay motivated to remain on the path toward our goal.

Setting goals for yourself or as a family, such as saving up for a special outing, learning a silly dance, or training for a family fun run/walk, can be one way to build persistence and put hope into practice.You might also try asking these questions or saying these hope-boosting phrases:

What would you like to be able to do? I’ll help you do it.
What is something you’ve learned in the past?
See how much you’ve grown!
We can find a way to figure things out.
We know some ways to help ourselves, and we can always learn more ways.

Talking about Grief

“Out of our loss, our families can experience growth in a way that we never experienced before. And we can nurture those things in our family and even experience joy, happiness, and hope.”

Andy McNiel

CEO, The Satori Group