Coping with Change

You might wonder, “can’t we just go back to the way things were?”

It might help to imagine the death as a fork in the road of your life’s journey. You can look back and remember the person who died and all the special times you shared, but you can’t go back. You can only move forward.

When change makes you feel stuck, consider these ideas to help you get moving again.

Breathe
Breathing helps to regulate your nervous system when your emotions are running strong. In a moment of overwhelm, take three slow, deep breaths, in through your nose, and out through your mouth. You can do this with children, too—anywhere, anytime.

Break the “big thing” down into smaller pieces.
Sometimes a “small” task can loom large if it’s something you’ve never done before, something the person who died usually did, or something that brings up difficult memories. Try breaking your tasks down into micro-steps. For example, paying the bills might become: opening the mail, sorting the mail, locating any necessary information or passwords, calling or logging in to pay the bill or making a payment plan. It’s usually okay to give yourself extra time to get tasks done. Do your best to take some small action every day. Can you check off one part of the task today? Your small, consistent actions will add up.

Focus on what you can do.
Death and grief are things we can’t control. But there are things we can control: you can communicate your feelings, you can make healthy choices, and you can celebrate the good moments in the midst of all that’s hard. What is one positive thing you can do right now?

Lean into learning.
We can’t always protect ourselves or our children from change, but we can equip them with important skills such as flexible thinking and problem solving. You can build these skills as a family—playfully!—when you put a puzzle together, tell a story from your imagination, play freeze tag, or follow the steps in a recipe to make a new meal. And remember, you can always ask for help.