03. Connecting With Ourselves

Connecting With Ourselves

The death of someone close to us can affect our sense of self. Grief can be a time of self-discovery and renewal.

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Focusing on Inner Value

When we tune in with our values, abilities, and dreams, we can connect with ourselves and others and find joy and reasons for hope.

Remember to tap into your inner strengths.

“No matter what is going on in life, we have an inner strength and a wisdom and a spirit that can persevere.“ Jessica Saniguq Ullrich, MSW, PhD

Assistant Professor, WSU IREACH Program
Tribal Citizen of Nome Eskimo Community

Building a Positive
Sense of Self

Death and grief can affect how we see ourselves, how we relate to others, and how we move through life. Changes may leave us feeling shaky and uncertain, and as we take on different roles and learn new things, we may feel like a beginner. And that’s never easy.

Leaning into things that make us feel steady and secure in who we are—individually and as a family—can help lay a firm foundation from which we can build skills, learn new ones, and ultimately grow and thrive.

Consider these ideas to help your family grow in confidence.

Maintain connections.
When a person dies, parts of who they were remain with us as stories, memories, or even shared characteristics. On hard days, talking about good times may help. And for young children, acknowledging the positive ways in which they are similar to the the person they lost can offer comfort: Your dad was so adventurous. I see some of that in you, too.

Acknowledge accomplishments.
Sometimes we’re so focused on all the changes that have happened or what lies ahead, that we forget about all the good things we’ve done or positive steps we’ve already taken. Remind your child that they (and you!) have done so much already and let those accomplishments give you energy to keep going.

Offer affirmations.
It’s a confidence boost to have your efforts recognized by others. From time to time, honor a specific member of the family. You might go around the dinner table, and each share something special about that person: “She made me laugh when I was feeling sad today. She’s so good at cheering people up.”

Tap into your faith and/or culture.
Religion, cultural values, or family traditions can be a source of comfort and strength during challenging times. Communities of faith and shared beliefs can remind you that you’re not alone and may offer a sense of peace.

Talking about Grief

“The choices you make matter. If you want to know what it means for your children to be okay, then you have to start focusing on taking care of yourself...finding a way to cope and support yourself. Your children will do about as well as you do.”

Andy McNiel

CEO, The Satori Group

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What Helps Us Reconnect with Who We Are

These strategies can help you and your family rediscover what brings you joy and help you feel confident and courageous.

Use the five senses to help you feel grounded.

Recognize your capacity and set boundaries.

Rediscover what delights you and your family.

Share stories to strengthen your child’s sense of identity.

Make space to cherish memories and objects.

Reconnect with yourself and the person who died.

Pause & Practice

Expressing Our Love

Children may not always have the words to express how grief affects them. Reminders of your love for them can provide comfort.

Say, “I love you,” and other affirmations often.

Reflect

Taking the Next Right Step

Grief is like a winding road. You can’t go back, only forward. Every step forward is worth celebrating; you are worth celebrating. Practicing affirmations can remind you that you are growing in positive ways.